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Rochester New Hampshire need to relax in h land Shiny Things and the Politics of Honesty. So, you opened this ad. I suppose that's half the battle. Now, before we get too tangled up in this web, let's go ahead and knock a few things out, as it were. First: This ad is xxx hundred percent serious. That seems a strange statement right now, but it will make more and more sense as you read. Secondly: If you are looking for key phrases like "Well endowed", "Hard body", or "Handsome and rich", then I'm very sorry to disappoint. You may wanna keep on moving, Ma'am! But, wasn't it at least sort of sweet that I went ahead and pointed that out to you from the get-go? I'll go ahead and answer for you. Yes. Yes, it was. Third, and lastly: God bless you, woman, if you're still reading this. Seriously. You're either really ugly yourself, sadly desperate, or morbid curiousity has gotten the best of you, and you want to see to what depths such an odd, borderline retarded craigslist ad can reach. I like to think the best of people, so I'm going to go ahead and assume it's the ladder. So, sit back, get comfortable, and prepare to waste several minutes of your life that you'll never get back. I have tried posting a personal ad once before. It was on this God-forsaken site. I was sort of taken-a-back by the number of responses I received. I posted a ridiculous, long-winded ad chocked full of negative and downright shitty things about myself. For every xxx positive thing I said about myself, I said three negative things. In hopes, of course, to not misguide anyone in to thinking I'm something I'm not. Most of what I received were these psuedo-uplifting responses about how I should have more confidence in myself, and yadda yadda fuck-me. Give it a rest. I have plenty of confidence in myself. And I stand confident in the fact that I'm not really that good-looking. Maybe thats why I dedicated a substantial portion of my life to creation. Art. Music. Film. Things that make people, for lack of better word, happy. Things that entertain people. Maybe I felt and still feel like since I'm not very good-looking, maybe I should commit myself to giving people something that's not based entirely on my dearth of excellence, or model-ish good looks? Or, perhaps, since I seldom had a date, I needed hobbies to occupy my Friday and Saturday nights? Either way, I think it works for me. Not because I have absolutely no other options, but just because I generally like to make others happy. Wether it be with a funny joke, a compliment, or a song or a sketch. Or, fuck it, maybe because it is an utter lack of options. However, aside from all this content that can be generally construed as negativity, I do like to remain at least quasi-positive. At very least, proactively appathetic. Oh yeah. I went there. Suck on thatwomen looking for sex Sydney oxymoron, want to make you cum and cum why don't ya! Face! Okay, back on track. I'm sort of a dreamer. Okay, fuck it, I've been really honest so far. Why lie, now? I'm a big dreamer. I believe in story book endings. Hell, if I didn't, I would be a way bigger asshole now than I already am. I mean, everyone needs something to believe in, right? Something by which to look forward? If not, why are we even doing this? Why am I writing this? Moreover, why would you be reading this? You wouldn't be. If you didn't, at least, dream a little, you would've accepted a long time ago that everyone sucks and everything is fucked. Well, guess what? It is! But that's not an excuse to give up. Isn't that the name of the game? Survival? To keep trudging onward and upward? To hit that metaphorical wall and keep proceeding forward? You don't stop and put it in reverse. You ass your way through. Shit, even navigating around it will do in a pinch, but you keep pushing through. So, that's why I'm here. Because my fucking reverse switch is broken, Bitch! Oh, sorry. I got carried away there. But you get my point, right? All questions and cryptic metaphors aside; I'm here because I'm not ready to give up and be al xxx Not quite yet, anyhow. Maybe all these failed relationships, Mexicali beer girls lonely women of new holstein and miserable endeavors of love and humanity have all been there for the singular purpose of teaching me something. I have no fucking clue what that could be, aside from learning that my heart can take an ass-kicking like a champ. But, I like to stay positive. Maybe this huge, substantial, life-altering lesson hasn't been made clear yet, but surely it's coming soon. Or maybe I'm just talking out of my ass? Shit, who knows? Wow, this is becoming far more candid than I ever wanted it to be. I dream. I wish. I hope. I beg and plead that maybe, just maybe, something so trivial and asinine as a personal ad will bring about something spectacular. Like xxx of those sadly unfunny romantic comedies that Hollywood churns out about once a month. A relationship so meaningful that it's happy ending justifies its means of the second act conflict. I don't know exactly for what I'm looking. For fucks sake, I do well to make a decision on half-and-half or that fake, powdered cream shit, every morning in my coffee. But, I have formed a general planogram for the person I'm looking to find. Idealy, I want someone intelligent. If I have to explain every other word that comes out of my mouth, we're both going to get exhausted rather quickly. I want someone whose outside matches their inside. I don't want to throw around words like "Pretty" or "Hot" because, afterall, that shits all subjective, anyhow, and I have a different taste from most in looks when it comes to women. Although, I will be honest and go ahead and say that if you're a large gal that looks like a foot, I probably won't be interested. I mean, shit, I'm chubby and ugly enough for both of us, thanks. Again, I'm trying to stay honest here, while at the same time, not trying to restrict or limit myself because beauty, these things, they're all subjective. Chances are if every sentence in this ad made sense to you, I like you already. Okay. Onward. I've revealed far more about myself than I ever meant to with this infernal thing. So, honestly, I'm probably not going to reply to just any ol' response you shoot me. I mean, fuck, re-reading this thing, I actually embarrassed myself. So, if you want to reply, please, by all means, do so. But try to be original. And that's not the tall order that it sounds. I promise. I'm just looking for more than "Hi. You seem cool." You know what I mean? Besides, I wrote the motherfucker. I know, for a fact, that the word "cool" isn't the first thing that comes to mind when you read it. Words like "Sad" and "Straight-Jacket" do. So, yeah, you're not fooling me with your trumpery, Lady! But in all seriousness, please feel free to shoot me a message if you feel so inclined. Thanks for reading, and I apologize again for the x or so minutes you'll never get back. Horny women in Westport (Baltimore), MD  Want a romantic guy? Okay so this is my second time typing all this out... lol. OKAY! My name is Caleb, I'm x years old, I'm a musician signed to a label, virgin ass for strap on Heald Green sex babes annnnddddd I'm embarrassed that I'm posting this ad right now to be quite honest. I would like someone like-minded, x - x yrs old, cute, sweet, funny and all that other good stuff! :) ALSO, I don't want a "fling" or something like that, I would love to settle into a relationship, get married, start a family......hope that's not a turn off... lol I have x tattoos with plans on getting a few more *COUGH COUGH half sleeve* So I am NOT looking for: Sex Gold diggers You know the drill all bad stuff basiy lol. I AM looking for: A girl who loves Jesus Cute, adorable Sweet funny Fun to hang out with Has a great sense of humor and fashion! <---Please dress nice < x lol Gotta like music cause im kinda a musician... lol Definitely a feminine girl, no tomboys :/ I hate to sound shallow, but preferably a slim girl, athletic, not really into big girls, see discreet housewives in Norway nc area some guys love it! But just not for me. :) If you might be interested email me :) PUT BROWNCHICKENBROWNCOW as the subject. :) <-- to weed out the spam yah know :) underwear fetish dating sites SWM looking for Chat Text friends.   x yo fuck buddy descreet im real x !!!!! lets have sum fun write fuck me in subject sooo i kno ur real im clean donate plazma at biolife so i know im clean they always check.. im real still snow on the ground but its going away.. i wouldnt mind geting close with the person talking and doing everything that bf gf do but descreet i got a with bed in it !!! so we can do it anywhere . if u have kik kik me rudboy kik me Oakridge OR bi horney housewifes Looking for that summer slut.  Hot man playing football at the park I saw you today at Desert Breeze park this afternoon around x . You were at the park playing football with some younger guys. I walked right in front of you are I walked to the car, I said sorry for getting in the way. You have a facial hair and were wearing a hat. Maybe you would be interested in getting together for a drink or something. Need a friend saids all I'm open to all ages and races looking for cool laid back ppl similar to myself if this could be you send a n ill send xxx back also for those of you it matter to I'm aa Wheres the sexy asian girls at.
 YES!! YOU CAN WEAR HIGH HEELS WITH ME...I'M TALL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! :) You'll always get to wear high heels when you're with me!! There's my sales pitch, hope it was a good xxx :) That's right, there's my sales pitch :) Women always want a tall guy just so they wear all their shoes HAHAHA. I figured that out after awhile. So that's me!! I'm good looking, Taos teen nudes fun, sweet, loving, a white guy (perfect for a cute girl like you ;)) annnnd I'm tall ( x ' x ). What else? I'm an educated corporate professional, intelligent and motivated. I am starting my own business. I love theme parks, roller coasters, dirty fuck talk online live dogs, cars, riding my motorcycle and driving my nice roadster. I love to have fun and travel...I go to Vegas quite often. I don't really do the bar or partying scene (hey I'm x , I'm done with that lol). I am affectionate, loving (I said that already huh?) and always a great boyfriend to the xxx I'm with. So why not you, cute girl? Let me be your tall guy. You can wear ever single pair of shoes you have, and still won't my height ;) Unless it's those shoes you have...ok you might me then. Just a little bit, not by much :) Hope to hear from you soon, TALL cute white guy