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LYAF The purpose of this letter is to say what I can't seem to say in person and then spend days/years torturing myself over...I should probably start at the beginning and tell you that for some reason I see you as my soul mate, my twin flame and realize this doesn't mean that we need to be together. This isn't my letters purpose. I'm not sure if I ever told you but I can remember the first time that I ever laid eyes on you. I remember exactly where we were and how you looked and I instantly had this intuition that I needed to know you. You have this hold over me that I can't seem to break and I physiy feel when we aren't together which is just freaking weird. . .I thought for sure that after all this time that I had done enough repression that I wouldn't feel anything towards you any more except maybe just attraction. . . ;) You are the first man that I had to work to have and work to keep and work to get over. . .Makes me feel rather pathetic really to write that since my luck is that you probably think I'm a crazy person... I can't relay to you enough how happy I was by your side and how I felt like I was being buried alive without you. In xxx day xxx people and my entire existence was taken away. Fucked up thing is that do you realize that it was x ? Anyway, irrelevant, I remember that this women checked my id once and commented, "Wow, you look really happy in this . What happened?" It kind of stuck with me that on that specific day I remember I was with you. . .Had we never lost that , or if the situation never had happened and you hadn't moved your stuff out we would probably been married by now. I was left no choice but to move on. . .and the fucked thing is I have a blessed life in the big scheme of things. There are people that would ultimately to be me even with a fucked up past and a nonexistent caring family. Why do I continuously torture myself over you? I have struggled all these years to make with the situation and find myself. I said no to being proposed to for years because I couldn't see myself married to anyone but you. . .On my "wedding day" in the midst of a dinner party surrounded by a good x people I was staring out the onto a dark street and thinking about how I no longer could have you. This alone makes me feel like such a fucking asshole!! That's so not normal happy shit right there and as usual no xxx noticed. The last time we were "together" dh and I were fighting because he was fucking around and still obsessed with his long legged ex. (Guess that why we bonded in the first place) I just couldn't bring myself to terminate a after losing ours. (God has a sense of humor to send me a little at the xxx lowest points in my life) We eventually worked it out and actually have very good communication to the point of oversharing but as you have said it is definably different than what we shared. The reason I finally said yes to getting married was because of the specifiy dd. He is the only father that she remembers and he is great at it. If you remember last year when I started to ask you if you would take a test for me it was because my ex walked into our restaurant demanding his parental rights. The only way to remove them is for someone to step in legally and take responsibly. Since the only way I could do that on my own is to be married for a year and then initiate an adoption I did the best thing for my . And writing that makes me feel like an asshole! I don't believe in the constitution of marriage the way that I should but thankfully dh gets it. The thing in all this is that it makes it seem like dh is the biggest dumb ass in the planet caring for someone that has this much emotional baggage. I thought for years that he was just emotionally closed off which made it easy that I didn't have to be sweet or touchy feely and was left to basiy do my own thing. It made it easy to say the whole true love sentiment was/is bullshit and I did. He is the complete opposite of you really, other than being a hard worker. . .He doesn't do sweet, thoughtful or surprises. He never knew that the person I was walking around being wasn't truly who I was. . .I actually thought for years that he was blind to what was really going on in this head of mine. . .He is steadfast, single Trenton New Jersey women near Trenton New Jersey va women to fuck New jersey annoyingly controlling, and methodical to the point of OCD and still he has the biggest heart of anybody I have ever met. He knew. . .He knew the whole time how much I struggled, though maybe not to the extent I actually was and since my son was born has not left my side. He is the only family and friend that I have and even after thoroughly knowing all my baggage understandably accepts me anyway. Hell I even asked permission to have you. . .(over share). . .but the point behind this letter besides being embarrassingly too honest is tell you everything that wakes me up at x am and to tell you that I love you. It is not possible on your end to have a friendship and since we can't ever seem to end this the right way which may the problem since I am constantly left with a "what if." I need to ask that you, as my friend take these oldcasual relations Nacogdoches granny memorandums, horny women St gallen look me in the eye and tell me goodbye, (something we never do) and be the xxx to drive off first this time...because like a dumbass I need further affirmation. Maybe then I can feel like I can breathe and stop obsessing over the past. . .worth a try anyway cause to be honest again, I'm tired and I can't save the world by looking backward. You know who you are... looking for a big Juneau Alaska cowboy 25
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