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What for? It's Saturday morning. Again, I wake up with an old familiar feeling. Something's missing, but thengirl want to have sex in Derry New Hampshire again, Netherlands Antilles black male domseeks sub whitelatin female something's always missing. I don't know what it is, is it a person, some type of personal fulfillment, money, friends, possessions? That's really not why I'm posting here, not to find somebody like everyone else. I'm posting because I want these words to exist, somewhere, if only temporarily. I just want to know that someone may (or may not) be reading these words. I hate loving people. I hate love because you have no control over who you love or why you love them. I know this isn't the type of thing a guy on craigslist usually says, but I might as well be honest. In all honesty, I want the part of my brain that loves other people to stop working. I would think by now it would have, considering that when I love someone, they don't ever love me back. I mean, they may care about me deeply, and don't wish me any harm, or even wish me the best, but they don't feel the same way about me as I do them. Maybe they don't love themselves, who knows...I'm tired of trying to figure that out. I'm not a fucking shrink and I don't have the energy to try and decipher the mystery of other fucked up people anymore. It's hard enough to try and figure out myself. But it really isn't important, it's just honestly how I feel. Speaking of honesty, what if someone was to actually put up an honest description of themselves on here? Here would be mine: Hey ladies! The man of your dreams is right here! Your search is over!!! I'm a slightly overweight guy with a mediocre job, up to my asshole in debt so I'm broke most of the time, I probably drink too much, smoke cigarettes, and eat bad food. I sometimes get angry and yell, even though I'm really a harmless person. I really enjoy going out with people to bars, movies, concerts, museums etc. to socialize, but I don't have any friends with which to do these things because most of them are lame or work too much, so I don't really meet many new people or have new experiences. I enjoy sex, just like you and everyone else in the world who won't admit it, but don't get enough so I overemphasize the importance of it. About you: probably a few years younger than me, have low self esteem, will pretend to be into me for a short period of time, enough to make me care about you deeply, then you will say you don't know what you want. (Since what you really want is someone to abuse you or generally treat you like shit). You will constantly tell me how much you care and love me (even though you don't love yourself, so there is no way you can love anyone else), however, to string me along and make me feel like there is something there, until I finally get sick of it, cheat on you, or you cheat on me, then whatever happens after that is history. This scenario could take a few months, a year or so, or a few years, or more!! We could even be really adventurous and repeat the whole thing together ad nauseum for years! Doesn't it sound exciting! If this sounds like something that interests you, just hit reply ladies! I'll try to respond to the messages in the order in which I receive them, since I'm sure my inbox will be full shortly after I click "post"! Fuck. So where does that leave me? Keep doing the same fucking shit, over and over and over, until I either die from the stress, drinking, or smoking? Live my life as a loner without companionship or any kind of interpersonal interaction? Become a drug addict? Become a monk? I think the real answer, wanting a m a s a g e
looking for nasty sex Pen-y-cae however is this: Become a self-centered, jaded, egotist who only cares about something if it provides me some kind of personal gain while using other people and stepping on whomever I need to until I gain worldly happiness. That's the modus operandi of all the happy people I know. Of course that's it! I didn't even need anyone to help me out this time, I figured it out all by myself. It's x , there's no such thing as just finding someone to share your life with, as simple as that sounds, who will be there for you and let you be there for them. You can only find xxx of the following: people you use for sex, and people you use for friendship. There is no such thing as an equal relationship anymore, society has made damn sure of that. So, what I need help figuring out is this: how do I become the aforementioned self-centered egotist who is fine with using people without regard to their feelings or happiness? Is there something I can do to myself, or my thinking patterns to turn me into the person that I want to be? xxx would think that after almost x years or so of life, it would be easy to act in the way the world expects you to. But I haven't been able to yet. Any suggestions? wm looking for bfm